Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Don't Look at me like that!!!!

I am failing to devote enough attention to this blog, so I thought I would do what any good blogfather would do. I'm leaving it out on the street for a while.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Clay is in Trouble! Come to his defense!

I'm so disturbed about the recent allegations against my "idol", Clay. I consider myself to be the #1 ClayMate, and I feel (although I've never met him) that I know Clay really really really well. So when a US naval cadet decided to tell the world a big dirty basket full of lies this week about having a gay relationship with Clay, I'm not going to pretend it didn't bother me. Truth be told, I spent a good 20 hours in my bathroom with a box of poptarts, listening to "This is the Night" over and over. If you ClayMates are reading this, come to Clay's Defense. Play Clay's music really loud all day long, and wear your Clay is Not Gay! buttons. This is more than an attack against an American Idol. This is an attack against the values that all of us who are real Americans have held to be true since the time of the Founding Fathers.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Picture Story

I like those games where someone starts a story and each person takes turns adding to the plot. Sometimes the story takes a very interesting turn. However, some people aren't very funny and kill off the character or say he decides to become a "blah, blah" and lives happily every after. Don't do that. Instead of presenting a beginning plot, I am simply presenting a picture. Here it is:

*disclaimer: for those of you out there who have some respect for me. It's a hooka pipe. Mary Jane was not at this party.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

For Andy

You should have seen
By the look in my eyes baby
There was something missin'
You should have known
By the tone in my voice maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead
But never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin'

And I though I know
All about those men
Still I don't remember
Cause it was us baby
Way before them
And we're still together
And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you
I meant that I love you forever

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin' you

And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you
I meant that I love you forever

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin' you

Hey I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin' you

Friday, December 09, 2005

Different names for the same thing

Greetings to all of my faithful friends who have diligently checked this blog daily. "Is Matt dead?" "Has he moved on?" No, no, no. First, I must say "WORD UP!" to my friends in the DR. I have no idea who checks this besides Brian, Lowell, and Elizabeth, so feel free to shoot me an email. I hope you are doing well. I miss you guys. Merry Christmas. Second, for those of you who don't know, I have two brothers. This blog is dedicated to them. Two very different men, but both dedicated to my humiliation in some form or another. I've included pictures of both of them.

Luke has been my faithful Don Quixote, leading me on self-degrading missions such as nude running and one attempted robbery. Luke likes cardigans...a lot! He is a very cheaky bastard. I say that because it used to be amusing for me to think of him as an Englishman. Unfortunately, he made a real friend named Andy who really is a cheaky bastard. I don't know what they do all the time in the garage, but it's not American. That's for sure. This Christmas, I'm leaving Luke for the first time. We have spent every Christmas together. Sorry, Luke. I'll make up for it. Here is a picture of Luke to the right.

Jonathan is my other brother. He is very, very old and important. Actually, last year, he finally removed the restraining order, and I'm allowed to go see him this Christmas. This was a difficult decision for me. Jonathan was forty years old when I was born, so we haven't had the opportunity to bond like brothers should. Hopefully, from the 22nd to the 28th of December, we can make up for lost time. He's even letting me sleep in his house! Here is a picture of Jonathan.

I am very lucky to have both of my brothers. Luke has allowed me to be part of his family. Thanks to him, I will always have a second home and a basement to call my own should I ever need it. Jonathan has also given to me. He sent me to another country for a whole summer where I made many new friends. I will be glad to share my experiences with him this Christmas. Truth be told, I am very jealous of both of my brothers. They have amazing families. I hope that one day, I can be as fortunate. So Merry Christmas and here's to my family, Luke and Jonathan.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Lions, Babies, and Woozy Welshmen

Wow, what a week. Last night was a very interesting night for all of us. I have a few comments to make:

1. Congrats to Tommy, Leah, and Wyatt! I am very happy for all of you, and I heard through the grapevine that Wyatt is a very beautiful, red baby.

2. To Luke: Mother knows best and size does matter.

3. The Welsh, although commenly mistaken for their neighbors, the Irish, differ from these neighbors in one important area. They are quite unable to hold any amount of alcohol. I never have or will have to make a porcelain pot my pillow.

4. Being a vegetarian was the empiest and most unsatisfying 12 hours of my life.

5. I'm pretty sure that Galadriel has started to absorb Andrew back into her butt.

6. Finally, my father has once again bestowed upon me a valuable nugget of truth in the form of an analogy. Here it is:

In the African plains, prides of lions work in a very interesting way to capture prey. The older lions all form together and roar loudly with the purpose of scaring their prey in the opposite direction. While they do this, the younger and stronger lions wait in the opposite direction for their prey to run right into their laps. It is a simple yet impressive trap to achieve the kill. How can prey avoid this trap? They must run to the roar. They must deny fear and charge onward knowing that the older lions cannot catch them. In my life, I must do the same. I must run towards the roar of the pressures in my life knowing that this is truly the only way to survive.

Thanks, Dad. You da man!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Meat is Murder!

Listen up, Folks. I'm sick of this. It's murder! We are murdering animals daily, and as I was eating my two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's tonight, I realized that something has to be done! Today was the last time that meat touches my lips...until Thanksgiving Day. Yes, that's right. I don't need meat to be happy. Now, I know that some of you people out their, you Republicans, you "sportsmen", you "real men", may have objections to this. I bet you all think that my motivation for doing this is my girlfriend who happens to be a vegeatarian of 21 years. Well, you are all half-correct. She did not ask me to give up my meat, but her unfamiliar dietary customs have intrigued me. I welcome the lashing comments. Let them come, but I will leave with a question from one vegetarian to the world:

Are you a living grave???

I know that I'm not, and I never will be again...until Thanksgiving.